Still selfish?!

herbofdc.blogspot.com

Ok...so I had a pretty visible mishap week.  An effort to be selfless revealed that there was still some selfishness tucked under the surface.  Thank You, Lord for grace! Let me explain the story...

Two days ago I found out about a volunteer opportunity.  This week is National Volunteer Week and the company I work for decided to volunteer at a local after-school program.  When I first heard about the opportunity, I thought, "Hmm...tomorrow is my day off so I could either a) volunteer with some of my co-workers, b) enjoy the day and watch movies with one of my housemates, or c) just watch movies alone and get some relaxing in.  Well, then I was reminded that my days are numbered and that I should take the time (since God has blessed me with the opportunity) to make each day count.  In this case, take the time to impact the lives of local kids.  So yes, I chose option "a."

But I didn't choose option "a" until about 2 hours before I was scheduled to meet up with my co-workers.  The two hours of free time came after I left the doctor's office (I had an appointment). In the two hours of "free time," I thought about how I could spend that time.  I could go for a nice walk, grab some lunch, and chill, or I could run home and grab a quick lunch plus make dinner for my housemates since one of them would be coming home from work and would be hungry and the other would be rushing off to an evening class.  "How thoughtful!" I thought.  "Yes, I'll make them dinner and then meet my co-workers.  I have time."  In my mind, I patted myself on the back for making more progress in humility.  Didn't realize that that little pat on the back was self-centered.  This was still about me.  About me looking good by being so thoughtful and helping my housemates.

Well, wouldn't ya know it...when I walked through the front door last night after volunteering, still beaming with pride at my "humility," I strolled into the kitchen to marvel at the expected dirty dinner dishes in the sink...and what did I see, see, see?!?!  I saw that none of the food had been touched!

"I could've taken my walk! Or enjoyed a nap! Instead of thinkin' about these clowns!  Tryin' to help them and they didn't even eat the food!"  My mind angrily raced.

Now, in hindsight, I should have taken a time-out, prayed for the Lord to help me release the anger and calmly ask why my housemates hadn't eaten.  I could have also informed them that they could take the food for lunch the next day.  Well, notice that I said "in hindsight."

What I really did was angrily find my housemates and ask them why in the world they didn't eat the food!  Their excuses seemed lame ("I didn't know it was ready."  "I had to rush to class.").  But there was grace.  Grace in their responses towards me. They didn't yell back.  They both thanked me for making the food.

I apologized...later.

I had to calm down first so that my apology was sincere.  I also had to ask the Lord to forgive me.

Moral:  When seeking to serve others, remember to do it as unto the Lord (Colossians 3:23).  And always, always, talk to the Lord first before blowing up.  There's always another perspective that I can't see.

Needless to say...the food is packed for tomorrow's lunch.