How to get rid of a Bible

evangelicalbible.com

Ever gotten yet ANOTHER Bible?  Not that YOU bought it but that someone GAVE YOU anotha one?  As a believer, I would say keep it or give it to someone that needs a Bible.  But what if you're an unbeliever and someone already gave you ONE Bible...now someone else has given you ANOTHER one?!  This post is written from the perspective of the latter. WARNING: THIS ARTICLE IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.  DON'T WRITE ME A NASTY LETTER. LOL!

My name is Tink, and Tasha jus' gave me a Bible.  I already GOT ONE!  I already don't read the first uh...well, ok, when times get a lil' tight, the Good Book does have some encouraging stuff in it so I read it then...and I take it to church those times I go.  BUT what am I gonna do with a SECOND one?!  How can you get rid of a BIBLE?!?!?!  You can't jus' throw dat joint away!  You might get struck by lightning! Or fire! Or YO' (!!!) house might get flooded!  In church they said God ain' gon' flood the whole earth no more but I ain' heard nothin' bout Him NOT floodin' a house.  What in the world am I gonna do wit this Bible???? THINK...THINK...hmm...GOT IT!


10 ways to get rid of a Bible:

1.  Just "leave" it at church.  Make sure your name isn't in it and that no one SEES you "forget it" cuz they might try to give it back!  Church people forget their Bibles at church all the time.  Yours can become part of the collection of Bibles that the church has for people who need one during the service.

2.  Donate it to Goodwill.  Ay, I'm sure SOMEBODY is tryna buy one uh dem joints.  I seent a whole bunch of 'em on the shelf at Goodwill and the Salvation Army.  Shooo, just leave it at Salvation Army.  They got doggone SALVATION in their name!  They oughta be GIVIN' away BIBLES witta name like dat!

3.  Give it to someone you know.  Ay look, I know I ain' no fa real fa real Christian so if I tried to give it to one of MY friends, they might laugh and even...SCOFF at me...but what are my options?!  I'll just do it like this - when one of my friends or co-workers is havin' a bad day...I'll just cry witem (mourn wit dem dat mourn, right?) and be like, "Girl, I got somethin' fo you da read."  Bring out the Bible with one of dose encouraging verses ALREADY highlighted, read it to her, and then just tell her she can KEEP THE WHOLE BIBLE!

4. Give it to a Jehovah's Witness. When they wanna give you a copy of their magazine, tell them you'll take THEIRS if they'll take YOURS.  "Trade?" Shooo, don't even wait fa dem to come to you, FIND OUT WHERE DEYYYY LIVE!  They always comin' to E'ERBADY ELSE HOUSE.  Show up at THEY door and see how they like it!  Ah-ha...lemme know how dat goes.

5. Sell it on eBay or Amazon.  Look, I ain' sayin' try to make a big profit.  You just wanna get rid of it.  Put that joint up 'der fo $0.00 (yes, FREE) and tell them YOU will cover the $3.99 shippin'/handlin'.  Your goal is to get rid of it! People already givin' away Bibles for free so get ridda yo's!!!!

6. Donate it to a new Christian overseas. Ay look, I'ain got time to be judged fo dis.  I already told y'all I ain' no fa real fa real Christian but keep prayin' fa me.  Nex time they announce at church bout raisin' money to send Bibles to those missionaries who know new converts that need Bibles, just humbly walk up and tell them, "TAKE MINE!" **brownie points**

7.  Mail it to a Bible college/seminary.  Just mail dat joint in.  Don't put a return label or anything on it.  I'm sure they'll have SOME use for it!

8.  Leave it on Grandma's bookshelf. Look, whether yo' gruhma is a Christian or not, just slip that thing on her bookshelf while she in da kitchen.  If yo' gruhma ain't saved...PUT IT ON HER NIGHTSTAND WHILE SHE'S ASLEEP.  She'll wake up the next morning and...AHHBAHAHA!!! Can you IMAGINE what she'd think?!?!

9.  Set up a "FREE Book Box." If your library or some other public place doesn't have one...set up one!  Your goal is to get rid of that Bible.  Here's wachu do:  Grab an old shoe box big enough for the Bible to fit in.  On a piece of white paper (the size of one side of the box), write: FREE BOOK BOX and paste/tape it to the side.  Just slip into the library and leave it by the door.

10.  Use it to prop up a window. Follow me on this one: Your office/conference room/classroom/whatever-room is hot.  While making sure that no one is in the room... take your Bible to the window and prop it open/up.  Then leave it.  The point in making sure that no one is there is so that no one will see you do it.  Someone else may come along and either a) remove the Bible from the window and take it to the lost and found b) remove it from the window and start to read it (so they can go from LOST to FOUND! GLORY to God for AMAZING GRACE!) c) remove it and leave it by the window for the next hot day.