Wanting to give up

My current job is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. 

There are so many people who are hurting and need our help. Many times, "those people" are ourselves. When you are fighting for things to change so that people are no longer treated as "throwaways" the dominant culture doesn't usually change and do the right thing overnight. 

I have wanted to give up so many times. Part of me doesn’t understand why I just haven’t quit. Another part of me knows that I have stubborn, dogged, determination. I don’t want my stubbornness to drag my organization down though. 

I’m so stressed and tired and want to just give up and let "Pharaoh" win. I can better understand why the Israelites groaned and complained and figured it would have been easier to stay slaves in Egypt – at least they knew what to expect being a slave. They knew the ups and downs and what it would take to get by. Going through the wilderness to get to a land that’s promised to you is hard when you can’t see past the day-to-day. 

Oh, but when I look beyond my current circumstances, I can see the land that flows with milk and honey! When I can believe without a shadow of a doubt that the same God who brought us out of Egypt with a strong hand will bring us into the promised land no matter what the naysayers are saying, have said, keep saying…when I can look to the hills from where my help comes from, when I can hold to God’s unchanging hand and His promises and when I know that I know that I KNOW that He’s gonna work it out no matter what it looks like, no matter what it feels like...then and only then will I be able to lead the people there!!!!

God, do you still see me?

Scooped from: sandykumskov.com

"I regret obeying You!" I screamed into the night air as I drove home. I hit my palms on the steering wheel at a red light. "I have followed You my whole life -- not out of obligation, and not because I was trying to earn something, but because I love you! And now my bones are on fire and You're holding a fire hose and I keep calling Your name, but you're standing across the street handing out flowers to other people who don't even like You! I love You and You won't even touch me. What's wrong with You! You're a tease. Go make Your sunsets, go stir up wind and thunderstorms, go plant love in the hearts of the lonely. Whatever. I'll plug my ears and close my eyes because I don't want any of that from You anymore. Stop taunting me."

-Tara Leigh Cobble, Orange Jumpsuit:  Letters to the God of Freedom

Ever felt like that?