How to get rid of a Bible

evangelicalbible.com

Ever gotten yet ANOTHER Bible?  Not that YOU bought it but that someone GAVE YOU anotha one?  As a believer, I would say keep it or give it to someone that needs a Bible.  But what if you're an unbeliever and someone already gave you ONE Bible...now someone else has given you ANOTHER one?!  This post is written from the perspective of the latter. WARNING: THIS ARTICLE IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.  DON'T WRITE ME A NASTY LETTER. LOL!

My name is Tink, and Tasha jus' gave me a Bible.  I already GOT ONE!  I already don't read the first uh...well, ok, when times get a lil' tight, the Good Book does have some encouraging stuff in it so I read it then...and I take it to church those times I go.  BUT what am I gonna do with a SECOND one?!  How can you get rid of a BIBLE?!?!?!  You can't jus' throw dat joint away!  You might get struck by lightning! Or fire! Or YO' (!!!) house might get flooded!  In church they said God ain' gon' flood the whole earth no more but I ain' heard nothin' bout Him NOT floodin' a house.  What in the world am I gonna do wit this Bible???? THINK...THINK...hmm...GOT IT!


10 ways to get rid of a Bible:

1.  Just "leave" it at church.  Make sure your name isn't in it and that no one SEES you "forget it" cuz they might try to give it back!  Church people forget their Bibles at church all the time.  Yours can become part of the collection of Bibles that the church has for people who need one during the service.

2.  Donate it to Goodwill.  Ay, I'm sure SOMEBODY is tryna buy one uh dem joints.  I seent a whole bunch of 'em on the shelf at Goodwill and the Salvation Army.  Shooo, just leave it at Salvation Army.  They got doggone SALVATION in their name!  They oughta be GIVIN' away BIBLES witta name like dat!

3.  Give it to someone you know.  Ay look, I know I ain' no fa real fa real Christian so if I tried to give it to one of MY friends, they might laugh and even...SCOFF at me...but what are my options?!  I'll just do it like this - when one of my friends or co-workers is havin' a bad day...I'll just cry witem (mourn wit dem dat mourn, right?) and be like, "Girl, I got somethin' fo you da read."  Bring out the Bible with one of dose encouraging verses ALREADY highlighted, read it to her, and then just tell her she can KEEP THE WHOLE BIBLE!

4. Give it to a Jehovah's Witness. When they wanna give you a copy of their magazine, tell them you'll take THEIRS if they'll take YOURS.  "Trade?" Shooo, don't even wait fa dem to come to you, FIND OUT WHERE DEYYYY LIVE!  They always comin' to E'ERBADY ELSE HOUSE.  Show up at THEY door and see how they like it!  Ah-ha...lemme know how dat goes.

5. Sell it on eBay or Amazon.  Look, I ain' sayin' try to make a big profit.  You just wanna get rid of it.  Put that joint up 'der fo $0.00 (yes, FREE) and tell them YOU will cover the $3.99 shippin'/handlin'.  Your goal is to get rid of it! People already givin' away Bibles for free so get ridda yo's!!!!

6. Donate it to a new Christian overseas. Ay look, I'ain got time to be judged fo dis.  I already told y'all I ain' no fa real fa real Christian but keep prayin' fa me.  Nex time they announce at church bout raisin' money to send Bibles to those missionaries who know new converts that need Bibles, just humbly walk up and tell them, "TAKE MINE!" **brownie points**

7.  Mail it to a Bible college/seminary.  Just mail dat joint in.  Don't put a return label or anything on it.  I'm sure they'll have SOME use for it!

8.  Leave it on Grandma's bookshelf. Look, whether yo' gruhma is a Christian or not, just slip that thing on her bookshelf while she in da kitchen.  If yo' gruhma ain't saved...PUT IT ON HER NIGHTSTAND WHILE SHE'S ASLEEP.  She'll wake up the next morning and...AHHBAHAHA!!! Can you IMAGINE what she'd think?!?!

9.  Set up a "FREE Book Box." If your library or some other public place doesn't have one...set up one!  Your goal is to get rid of that Bible.  Here's wachu do:  Grab an old shoe box big enough for the Bible to fit in.  On a piece of white paper (the size of one side of the box), write: FREE BOOK BOX and paste/tape it to the side.  Just slip into the library and leave it by the door.

10.  Use it to prop up a window. Follow me on this one: Your office/conference room/classroom/whatever-room is hot.  While making sure that no one is in the room... take your Bible to the window and prop it open/up.  Then leave it.  The point in making sure that no one is there is so that no one will see you do it.  Someone else may come along and either a) remove the Bible from the window and take it to the lost and found b) remove it from the window and start to read it (so they can go from LOST to FOUND! GLORY to God for AMAZING GRACE!) c) remove it and leave it by the window for the next hot day.

Letter to an Unsaved Friend

Hello there. You ever read a "Gospel tract"? They can really simplify the Gospel...sometimes too much. For one to have a better understanding of the Gospel it really takes the Holy Spirit to open one's eyes to understand the Truth. God can still use the tract in a person's life though. You ever given one of those Gospel tracts to a friend? Here's a letter I wrote to an unsaved friend I have. I haven't given them the letter but it really expresses my heart's desire...

Dear Friend,

I love you, and because I love you I have to share some truth with you. I'm in love with the God who saved my life. Literally. At the end of the day, my hope is in Him. He’s my Rock. I’ve been praying for you for years. Begging God to rescue you from being eternally separated from Him in hell. To open your eyes to show you that you need Him, that there is nothing you can do to save yourself, to realize that you are in desperate need of a Savior. He sent Someone to save you – Jesus. He was called the Son of God. Ya see, back then in that culture, to say that He was the Son of God was to say that He WAS God and put Himself on an equal level with God. But He is God! John chapter 1 clearly says this in the first few verses and then later in the chapter explains that the "Word" mentioned in those verses is Jesus and that He is God. Jesus was sent to Earth in the simplest way – he was born. Born of a virgin so maybe it wasn’t SO simple. But that makes it even more miraculous. Jesus knew exactly what His mission on Earth was – to teach people about God and how to have a relationship with Him; to teach about how much God loves everyone; to teach the right way to please God. He also did miracles and spoke prophesies to show that He was who He said He was. But forget all that – anyone could’ve done that. What made Jesus so unique is that He, an innocent man was sentenced to die. But He knew that would happen. That’s a part of why He came. Not JUST to die 'cuz that ain't so unique. Everyone DIES. He was to take on all the bad things that everyone had done and would do, every bad thought, and all – He was to take it on Himself and it was nailed to the cross with Him. It was very symbolic but very real at the same time. He wasn’t killed though – He gave up His life. He even said, “Father, into Your hands I commit my spirit.” Who does that?! He did! And to further prove that He was who He said He was (the Son of God; the Christ – Greek for the Hebrew/Aramaic word, the Messiah – all meaning, the anointed One), God raised Him from the dead 3 days later! And this Dude walked around and talked to people and continued to tell others about God. He even commissioned His followers to go and spread this news all over the world so that people would know and have the opportunity to be rescued from that eternal separation from God and to have the opportunity to have a real relationship with God. The kind that wasn’t possible after Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating the forbidden fruit. But now through Jesus, a kind of “Second Adam” we have another chance! Jesus’ followers spread that news, too, and baptized people to symbolize their new life. I heard that news, too. Many times growing up going to church and finally it all made sense. God opened my eyes and heart to see that this news was true and that I needed to confess with my mouth and believe in my heart that Jesus really was who He said and that He’d done what He was sent to do. At that moment, things didn’t change on the outside, but God began to do some things in my life and heart to make me more like Him. Making me better. Enabling me to please Him. Of course I still mess up cuz I’m human (everyone does!) but I have God’s Holy Spirit to help me. Jesus promised that He would send the Holy Spirit to always be with us and help us. The Holy Spirit even did something inside – He made my spirit alive so that I had that “born again” thing happen to me that Jesus talked about in John chapter 3. My life has been forever changed and I am forever grateful. And you can have the same thing happen in your life! I want that for you! GOD wants that for you! He wants everyone to turn things around and be saved from that eternal separation from Him according to what the Bible says in 2 Peter. That’s why I’ve been praying for you so that you can understand. Please consider what I’ve said.


You can give this letter to one of your friends if you'd like.  I won't hunt you down for plagiarism. :)

Til next time,
U.M.